


You're not a monster

by missybennet



Series: The hidden things [5]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/M, OS, Roadtrip, mention of miscarriage, they fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-28
Updated: 2015-11-28
Packaged: 2018-05-03 17:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5300867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missybennet/pseuds/missybennet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“You don’t know what happened. Before DC. After DC. So stop pretending you know everything about him and me.” Maria said with a shaking voice before slamming the door of the car.</p><p>Somewhere between CA:TWS and AoU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're not a monster

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know where this is coming from but yeah here it is.  
> It's not a happy, feel good OS.  
> Although there is something like a happy end...  
> Oh and meet Lauren, she may or may not reappear again...  
> And I know I promised you a Maria, Natasha and Pepper OS but that has to wait a little longer.

“You gotta be kidding? We’re owning Quintet’s and yet we’re taking the car?”  
“Yes.” Steve looked at Lauren who was pacing through the team area ranting about how stupid this idea was for something like twenty minutes now.  
Lauren had joined the new SHIELD several months ago and Coulson had assigned her as a liaison agent on the hunt for Bucky.  
She had been one of the agents that had been trained by Victoria Hand.  
She went dark after SHIELD fell just to come back several months later.  
No one knew what she had been doing during her time off the grid and yet Coulson trusted her.  
“And why? This ain’t the 40s anymore.”  
“Disguise, blending in.” He tried but he knew it was useless talking to her.  
Coulson had told him she had a temperament.

“But she is a nice person. Once you know her.” Coulson had told him with a smirk.

He sat down on the kitchen counter drinking his coffee.  
“Are you freaking serious? How should this work. It’s not like no one would recognize you. You’re Captain freaking America.” He understood her.  
He totally did.  
And yet he knew if they wanted to have a chance on getting closer to the Winter Soldier, they had to do it the old fashioned way.  
A Quinjet would be too obvious.  
Steve heard the elevator door open.  
“She flipped?” Maria asked as she approached him.  
“Yeah but I expected worse. She is still ranting though.” He answered handing her a cup of coffee.  
“Mhm seeing you unharmed is good.” They exchanged a short smile and Maria was about to say something before hearing Lauren continuing her rant.  
“I mean whose idea was it anyway? Walking around like “Hello everyone, we are SHIELD, a secret organization label a terrorist cell, looking for this mad man with a metal arm”.”  
“Mine.” Maria answered the question truthfully looking over the last details for their mission on finding Bucky.  
“I see. So working here makes you going nuts?”  
“I’ll go tell Sam we’re leaving in twenty.” Steve jumped down from the counter.  
“Oh sir, you’re not going anywhere. JARVIS tell Sam to be down at the garage in twenty.”

Twenty minutes later in the garage.  
“Hey. Whoa what’s wrong here?” Sam asked as he saw the Maria and Steve leaving the elevator followed by a furious looking Lauren.  
“Those freaks thought it would be fun to take a road trip to Denver. A freaking road trip.” Maria and Steve shrugged and loaded their bags into the car.  
Sam and Lauren did the same.  
“So how long is she going to be like this?” Sam looked at Steve as he climbing in the back of the car.  
Sam had met Lauren briefly before on a meeting concering trying to find Buckys hiding places arcoss the country.  
“Depending on when she will be able to reach Coulson to tell him how bad all this is. So something like two hours I guess.”  
“Jees that are going to be some very long two hours in the back.” Steve smiled at him apologetic and started the engine.

The first hour was pretty silent expect some radio playing in the background.

“Why do I have to come along anyway?” Lauren asked.  
“Mh let me think. You’re speaking Russian?” Sam replied.  
“But so does Maria.” Lauren said like it was that obvious.  
“Who speaks it native? And who is good at analyzing situations very quickly out on the field?” Maria stated.  
Maria and Lauren had been close friends during their time at SHIELD.  
And while Maria had climbed ranks, Lauren chose the way of a trained specialist.  
Although she had been out on missions she and Maria always found a place and time for a coffee to check upon each other.  
“This is the only reason?”  
“No but that’s all you need to know now.” Steve said knowing that if she knew the rest she would flip again.  
For now she didn’t need to know that Bucky, who was currently in Denver, had been heard asking for Natasha.  
And she was the one who could find out why he wanted to see her without revealing who she is and who she is working for.  
“So you’re going to be all Fury, not sharing everything with all team members?” The blonde woman said with a huff.  
“Lauren you need to calm down. You’re not thinking straight when your furious.” Maria told her in hush Russian.  
“I do whatever I want. You’re not my mother.” She replied in her mother tongue.  
“This is getting ridiculous.” Maria replied using the same language not looking up as she was typing an email.  
“You know what is ridiculous? That you and your lover think that no one notices. And that Steve is just going out with Sharon because he can’t bear it to see you and Mr.-I’m-too-cool-for-this-shit.” Lauren answered her in Spanish.  
“Lauren.”  
“You know that I’m right. And you know how stupid you are thinking that you care about Mr.-I’m-not-even-close-to-on-being-as-rich-as-Tony-Stark.” The Russian switched to French.  
Maria dropped her phone.  
She knew that Lauren was good at watching people and connecting loose ends to get intel.  
But this was private.  
Too private.  
“Gosh shut up.” Marias voice trembled as she replied in French.  
Lauren didn’t knew the rest of the story.  
Maria knew Steve had understood everything so far and she didn’t want him to hear the rest of it.  
“Why, because it hurts to hear the truth? You know that Steve cares deeply for you and you’re too ignorant to see it. You’re hurting him.” The answer came in French.  
Maria quickly glanced over to Steve who was clenching his jaw.  
“I know.” Maria switched to Arabic and her voice was hard.  
Maybe too hard to a friend but she wanted to end this talk.  
It quickly had taken a turn which was opening a deep wound she didn’t want to revisit.  
Not today.  
Lauren didn’t see Steve fasten his grip on the steering wheel.  
“So keeping up this none sense? No one forbids you to be happy and to be with a man who really cares about you.” Lauren said almost pleading.  
Over the time she had been at the Tower, Lauren had seen that there had been something between Steve and Maria past and pieces of it still existed.  
It was something her old friend hadn’t told her.  
Neither was it the first time that she told her friend that she deserved happiness.  
“You don’t understand. This got nothing to do with me. It never has to do with me. He is who he is and needs someone at his side who is not broken, who has not that much red on her ledge. He deserves better than me. And Sharon is better. Gosh she is Peggy’s great niece.” Maria answered in rapid Arabic trying to keep herself in check.  
She didn’t want to lose this situation.  
She didn’t want to deal with this pain again.  
“This is so wrong. And who says that he wants someone perfect? Have you two ever talked about all this?”  
The two women hadn’t noticed that Steve had pulled over at a gas station and left them taking Sam to get coffee.  
“Maria you’re not a monster. And all this is hurting him more than that it’s helping anyone.”  
Maria starred at her hands and bit the inner of her cheek to avoid the tears from falling.  
She even could smack the bitter taste of blood in her mouth.  
“You don’t know what happened. Before DC. After DC. You weren’t there. So stop pretending you know everything about him and me.” Maria said with a shaking voice unable to control her emotions anymore, before slamming the door of the car.

“Don’t.” Steve said and Lauren looked at him surprised as she was about to go after her friend.  
She hadn’t noticed that he had come back.  
There was no sight of Sam.  
He was probably still inside paying.  
“She is right. You don’t know.” He said in Arabic.  
And suddenly Lauren felt guilty about what she had said to her friend.  
Maria was right.  
She didn’t know.  
They had lost contact shortly before HYDRA had revealed itself and hadn’t been in contact before she rejoined SHIELD.  
“So can we stop the fight now? I know you’re not very fond of this idea but we figured out that this would be the best way to head to Denver. Call Coulson if this makes you feel better, read a book or listen to music but please, please do me the favor and stop talking about Maria and me. It’s not what it looks like.” He said looking at her via the rear view mirror.  
“Yes. I’m sorry.” Lauren sighed heavily knowing she should have listen to her friend as she had asked her to stop.  
She should have understood the subtitle hint.  
“Don’t tell me. You should apologize to her.” Steve said with a soft smile before opening the door of the car.

Sam sat down in his seat as Steve left the car.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“Oh don’t worry I didn’t get anything since the first Lauren. And everyone has a bad day.” Sam said with a smile before handing her a coffee and a blueberry muffin.  
“Maria said blueberry is your favorite.”

“Ria.” He whispered as he found her.  
“Steve, you should.” She said not meeting his eyes.  
She didn’t want him to see her cry.  
Not now.  
He had seen it once.  
He reached for her chin making her look him in the eyes before brushing away her tears.  
“Shh.” He took her into his arms and she pulled him closer burring her face in his shirt.  
“I’m sorry.” She whispered.  
“Hey there is nothing to apologize for.”  
“I should” She paused taking a breath trying to stop the tears from falling.  
“Shh. We talked about it. And we’ll talk about it again but not here. For now I need you to focus on the mission ahead. Okay?” She simply nodded unable to say anything, still holding unto him like he was her lifeline.  
If she was honest with herself she had to admit that she missed this.  
That she missed him.  
And that she regretted their decision while everything went down.

“It’s two years today.” She said quietly.  
“I know.” He whispered.  
“Two years and I still wonder what it would have been like.”  
“Me too. Things would be different.” He said thinking back to the mission that changed their life’s.  
They had known the risk and yet she had decided to go.  
He had blamed her for going in and then he had blamed himself for allowing it.  
“Would it have changed what we were?” She asked herself this question often.  
Things hadn’t been easy.  
They had a rough time, fighting about so many little things.  
“I honestly don’t know. Maybe.” He was honest with his answer.  
“I wished we could turn back the time.”  
“No. What happened has happened. We agreed on moving on.” He said although it hurt.  
Sometimes he wondered if it had been the wrong moving on.  
“But I can’t. He is not who I need. He is not who I want.”  
“Ria.”  
Those three letters from him were gentle and soft and Maria once again wondered how someone could tell so much with so little words.

There is a long pause while they’re just holding each other thinking about the child that was never born.  
The mission that went wrong and changed everything.  
The fights.  
The pain.  
The tears.  
The isolation.  
The attempt to move on.  
The shattered dreams.  
The nasty break up.

“We should get back. We need to make it to Cleveland tonight.” She nodded in agreement letting go of his shirt.  
“Hey Ria. It was never a once and for all.” He said his forehead leaning against hers.  
“I know but I fear that there will never be a going back to. A going back to us.” Her voice wasn’t more than a hushed whisper.  
“Let’s talk about a future not the past.” He replied whispering .  
He still can feel the tears falling as he kissed her softly.  
“Right. Forward not backwards.” She replied softly before kissing him desperately.  
She had missed this.  
Being that close to someone, being loved.  
Eventually they parted catching their breath.  
Maria met his eyes and she saw the hope, the softness she hadn’t seen in months.  
This wouldn’t fix things.  
They both were dating someone.  
And yet she dared to hope that they had a chance of being a us again.

Minutes later they were back at their car where Lauren was talking on the phone and Sam fast asleep in his seat.  
“I’ll check in later.” Lauren ended her call as soon as she saw Steve and Maria come back.  
Steve headed for the trunk to find a fresh shirt.  
His shirt was wet from Marias tears.  
While he changed he tried not to listen to what the two women were talking about.  
“Maria, I’m sorry. I should have stopped as you asked. I didn’t know when to stop.” Lauren apologized.  
“You don’t know why I asked you to stop. Apology accepted. Just promise me not to talk about this topic again this. This harsh.” Maria looked at her friend.  
One day she would tell her about her story with Steve.  
About the mission in China and the trap.  
The days she had spent in a hospital recovering from a gunshot and the bruises.  
And the miscarriage.  
“I promise.” Maria nodded as she was about to open the door of the car.  
“One day I’ll tell you.” She promised her old friend staring at her shoes.  
“Okay. And thanks for the blueberry muffin.”  
“I thought it would help to calm down.” The brunette replied with a small smile before getting back in the car.

“You know, nothing has changed my feelings to you. I still love you.” He told her in Russian as he knew that Lauren was talking on the phone.  
“I love you too.” She replied squeezing his left hand gently.  
And yet it wouldn’t make anything easier.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize to those who have read the first version of this story  
> I didn't check again which version of this OS I was uploading so the draft of it ended up here.  
> But this is the right one.  
> xx


End file.
